"Read no history, nothing but biography, for that is life without theory."
Benjamin Disraeli .
I figure out , I think is time to update my blog .
this few weeks lazy to update , and I'm sooooryy ;D
my dumb internet keep disconnect and my mood was sooo down .
warning , the post below is my confessions , so dont read if you dont want to .
I love to think a lot of things , seriously .
I could day dream all day long , I just cant stop it .
and before I sleep , I look at the celling and I think again .
and that explains why I have so much white hair ;p
I worry about almost everything happening in my life .
and eventually my mood becomes down , and I get depressed again .
I have not been studying , as well as paying attention in class .
I think is time to turn over a new leaf now :D and I really mean it ! .
is alrdy mid-term and I dont even know anything about biology .
my add maths is so-so , my chemistry and physics is half way through but lost again.
mid term exams is coming , and now only I started to regret .
I know is not too late to catch up , but I'm too lazy to run forward .
sometimes , I really do hate myself , I really do .
My mum always talks about her friend's children , about the flying colours of thier results .
she talked about which university and courses they took and the scholarships .
I really wish I can be like them , one day , to make mummy proud of me for once .
and she can brag about me to all her friends , but I know I can't .
I dont have much interest in studying , I can't score straight A's .
I will try , I will try my best to make her proud of me .
sometimes , I really jealous my second brother , my mum is so proud of him .
cause he is in the university and everything , he is studying engineering .
he's such a obedient son and my mummy loves him a lot .
sometimes , I really feels that my mum loves him more than me .
jealousy really kills me , it stab me with a knife like a million times .
or maybe is just me , thinking to much crap again .
I'm having problems with my family , again .
problems , oh problems , please go awayy D:
my parents are separated since I was five , or maybe less than that .
mummy wanna go holiday , so she brought me to America ;DD
I also follow my dad to go shopping , I force him to buy me stuff .
I'm kinda like a spoiled child , daddy buy me almost everything I asked for .
my daddy never scolded me or even hit me till now , 16 years of my life .
he loves me the most , cause I'm the one who always layan him .
even thou , I scolded or shouted at him , he never scolded back at me .
mummy doesnt like me going out with daddy when he brings that bitch along .
I understand her feelings , she dont like me mixing with her .
but is not my choice , daddy always brings her along .
mummy said that I'm such an ass , is like I'm backstabbing her or anything .
but I just wanna go out , because she doesnt like going out shopping .
is really hard for me to make a choice , you know .
If you were in my shoe , what will you do ? I'm really confused .
If I dont go out with daddy , I cant go shopping and buy stuff .
If I go , then daddy with bring that bitch , and I feel guilty .
I cant really decided , I dont know what shall I do , I really love shopping .
I know mummy have to work 6 days a week , early morning till late at night .
after work , she have to clean the house and cook dinner for us .
my house is not small , is a corner lot so imagine the wide floor she have to wipe .
and sunday is the only day to rest , to relax and do things she wanna do .
thats the reason why I go out with daddy , he brings me everywhere I wanna go .
The next thing is friends , my life is full of chaos .
I really hate it when people come and ruin my peaceful life .
example , this guy who have nothing better on earth to do .
so he decided to ruin my wonderful afternoon by talking craps .
I and my pet brother were kinda close , he is a kind guy .
and his friend had nothing to do , but to accuse me and him together .
I tried to ignore what he says but he cant stop spreading this matter .
and all of his friends know about this , and they cant stop talking abt me .
finally , they succeed to crossed the line , and they went beyond my endurance .
I fought with that guy , and he just cant stop apologizing .
I never replied his messages after that , I dont even wanna care bout it .
sometimes , people cant joke about certain sensitive things .
he say that I'm just so sensitive , and yes , I admit I am .
so get lost and get a life , find someone else to joke with , not me !
anyways , I dont find it funny , I find him lame and annoying .
oh well , on the other side , my school friends werewonderful , for now ;p
Sockkwan is just such a good wife to me , she packed my bag for me .
Joey is so kind and caring , we talked a lot this few days .
Xiaowei is very caring also , I just simply love her a lots and lots .
Sometimes , I really feel like giving up life .
Sometimes , I really feel like I'm all alone in this world .
It feels like everything is against me , and everything is just so wrong .
everything I've done is all a big mistake , and people starts hating me .
and I didint realize the things I've done hurt some of my loved ones .
I always looked at life in a negative way , never once change the angle .
I always think that life is hard , life is so difficult to go on .
but life is like an onion, you peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
I thought my life is miserable , everything is tangled up .
I never realize there are many people who is in more pain than me .
I think I should forget that past , I wont let my past be my future .
everyday should be a brand new day for me .
although , sometimes I'm alone in this dark and long journey .
I must learn to stand strong because there are more obstacles to go through in life .
those ups and downs are just experiences , and people grow through experiences .
we will learn to be stronger each time we fall , ;D
thanks Yiyi sister for teaching me this , I appreciate it a lot .
This is just a super long post , ;p
I feel so relaxing after pouring out my feelings .
well , goodbye for now , peeps ;D !
tmrw will be jogging in th park again , yeah yeah !
It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again.
What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived.
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