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hello everyone (:
im back.

Is been 17 days since my sis lefted me and my family
she committed suicide ):
she jumped down a 30 floors condo
because of her depression and her problems
I feel sorry and i regret for not helping her
have you ever regret after losing someone special?
I do, seriously.
when she was around, i was just jealous ]:
jealous of her room, her freedom, her things
&& now i got every little thing i want
but I loose such a beautiful precious sister
Im evil, bad, selfish & a stupid sister
I suck . I really do !
I never appreciate her when she's around
I never love her with all my heart
I never understand her feelings
I never help & talk to her
I never comfort her when she was down
I was never there when she needs someone
Im a loser, a big big failure
&& now she's gone
I start to think
I never realize I have such a good sister
and I have so much things to tell her right now
I thought no one love&cares for me
but Im wrong.
I miss the times when she cook maggie mee for me
and her fried eggie (:
I miss the times we stay up late at night watching movie
especially Robot chicken, Veronica mars, Family guy
while eating junk food and snacks
I miss the times when we go shopping
&& acting like a dumb blonde; its like OMG, whatever !
I miss the times we listen to gwen stefani in Putra
and the times we talk bad abt other ppl's dressing
&& you would say me cheesin
remember?
and the times you would pick me after school
and go pasar malam together? OHH .
and zara, MNG, nike ? WOOHOOS [:
remember that day I stabbed you with ur hello kitty blade
for not letting me watch Family guy?
Im sorry, I know you still forgives me.
It was an accident but we still joke with it right?
and remember that saturday?
you woke me up and we watch " My gym partner is an monkey"?
then you took ur cosmetics into mommi's room
after the makeup-ing, you took a lot of pictures for me
but is all over right now
no more, no more happy moments right now
no more fighting and monkey faces
no more movie nights and slumber party
no more huggies from you after work
no more cute little toys from you

everytime I walk in to her room
I felt her presence with me
I feel like crying
I keep thinking of her
I miss her voice, her hugs, her face
she is always the most beautiful and kind sis I ever had
no one can replace her place
Valerie Tay a.k.a CHIQ, you are my precious sis. my comfort.
I dont wanna let you go but I have to
I want you to be happy
You can forgive all your problems but dont forget abt us
I'll take good care of mommi
dont worry, i'll keep you in my heart
the precious moments we had, I'll never forget
I love you, truely deeply do x33
May you rest in peace.

Shrek 3 - the last movie
4 in the morning - the last song
So cute ! - the last word

Dearest Jie, wait for me.
I will join you next time
wait for me
dont leave me alone okaes?

To my family members:
you all please stay strong.
take good care of yourself
val wants us to be happy
promise? (:

To whom who wants to suicide:
please dont do it.
everyone cares for you
just that you dont know
they really do.
trust me.
you will hurt them a lot.
im begging you right now.
you will regret.